That one time...I “heard” but didn't “listen” over and over and over again.

That one time...revelations of a lifetime.

by Leo Brown.

Gay men who are known as trade.

I had just gotten back from one of my favorite places in the world. Las Vegas. I don't know what it is about sin city but it resonates with me and I it. I absolutely love it! Everything down to the weather and homeless guys on the street. Even they sparkle to me despite begin covered in dirt. I had gone there to celebrate my turning 34 a week early. I wanted to bring in my 34th year with a bang and I got exactly what I asked for.

Before making this trip. I had been talking with a guy named Delroy. (Not his real name.) I met him on a telephone chat site and when we met. It was at least for me a very magickal experience. I thought “Finally, I've found someone who understood me.” We had been talking for over 14 months and it was nice to be desired and thought of.  As he and I would talk everyday for sometimes hours about everything from marriage, living together and even the possibility of having children. With everything going the way it had been and our conversations becoming deeper and more intimate.

The Excalibur Hotel, Las Vegas.

 I invited him to vegas with me. As I wanted he and I to spend time together in the hopes of us growing closer. Besides, the last time that he and I saw one another was in the fall of last year and we had tossed around the idea of us taking a trip together.  So when I had enough money saved. I asked him if he would like to join me.  Here's where I heard Delroy but didn't listen to him. He was happy to go but he couldn't afford it. Because he had just gotten a new car.  I didn't care about that because I had the money and could afford to pay for both he and I. That was my first mistake. Only I didn't know it...yet.

With the arrangements in place. Delroy and I set off to sin city. We were to be there for 4 fabulous nights and we were going to ring in my birthday while there. Before I was to get on the plane for my departing flight. I uttered a small prayer that went something like this:

Lords and Ladies, may I get to vegas without incident and if this man is meant to be in my life, show me who he really is.  Ashe' and Blessed be. 

With that prayer said. I went onto my flight. We arrived in vegas at 1:00 pm on a bright, sunny monday afternoon.  Our first stop was to be the hotel. I choose the Excalibur hotel because I had stayed there countless times with family. Plus, the hotel was in the middle of the strip which was great.  When we arrived at the hotel; I noticed that our cab driver was angry. As I opened the door to the hotel, I asked Delroy,

“Why is the cabbie so angry, did you give him a tip?” I asked.  His answer to me was this: “I didn't know I had to tip him, I just paid for the ride.”  Okay, I can see that. Some things you just don't know.

With that, we entered into the hotel to check in. We get to the front desk and check into our room.  As I am checking into the room Delroy chimes in and says. “Can we make that a double instead a single room?” 

Bish Whet! I was shocked by this statement. First, this was my room that I was paying for and secondly, we agreed that we were going to share a room together.  I will admit I was hurt by this move but in the end it worked out in the way it was suppose to.

After checking into our now double room. Delroy, then decides to take me to dinner in honor of my birthday at the local Italian restaurant that was in hotel's food court.  The meal was okay. During the course of dinner, Delroy asked me “What do you hope to get out of you and I taking this trip together?” 

I told him that I hoped that he and I would grow closer and that it would blossom into something deeper as we had discussed taking things to the next level.  Along with romance and affection. He agreed with me but said that he wanted us to be friends as well. Which I understood.  After dinner ended, he proceeds to pay for the meal. After paying for it, he then proceeds to complain continuously about how much the meal was.  “ I didn't know that this meal was going to be sixty goddamn dollars!?” Now, mind you, this was a suppose to be a dinner in honor of my birthday. In my mind, the dinner wasn't that expensive.

Here's where I heard him but didn't listen. I didn't listen to the fact that he was cheap and thought that I would front the entire trip after I paid for the hotel and airfare. I just heard that he was excited to be in vegas with me.

Also, I let him know beforehand that in vegas you're going to spend money. So it's not like he didn't know. The next two days were okay. We laughed, we talked and things were fine. Things came to a head on our final night in town.

As we sat down to have our final dinner. It was then that I came to a painful realization and the prayer that said to the gods had been answered. I had seen Delroy for who he truly was. It all started with him wanting to see a las vegas show. He had wanted to see Criss Angel and we agreed that we would split the cost of the show tickets.

However, when it came time to go to the box office. His tune changed. He wanted me to pay the total price of the tickets.  Which I refused to do.  After that, he started to pout and became angry like a child because things weren't going his way.

I then went back to the hotel room and allowed him to pout. Silly ass. A few minutes later, he then calls me and tells me to meet him in the casino. I go down and we proceed to go to dinner. On the way, I told him that dinner was on me. I don't know why I had done that but it was done. So we get to dinner and during conversation. I asked Delroy. “Now, that we've had this time together, where would you like this to go if anywhere?” 

His answer was simple and all that I needed. “I don't know.” he said. Upon hearing that I changed my mind about paying for dinner. (Even though I ended up doing it anyway thanks to the waitress giving us one bill.)

After that, we came to back to our room. In that moment, I realized who Delroy was. He was a user and a manipulator. During the whole time that we talked he referred to us as in courtship/dating. He did things that boyfriends would do, call me to say goodnight, tell me good morning and would even tell me that he loved me and missed me.

I thought that we were going somewhere. The reality was that we weren't going anywhere. He was just along for the ride. I heard him and saw the signs but didn't listen to them. The sadness, anger and rejection hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so used and taken advantage of by Delroy.  A year and half of time, energy and yes, even money gone down the drain in an instant.

All I could do as I talked to one of my girlfriends was cry. I saw so much potential in he and I but it was not to be. In that moment I felt so stupid.  During that evening Delroy says to me “For what it's worth, I didn't mean to hurt you or use you.”  I simply replied. “Mmm-hmm.”  And proceeded to go to sleep. The next morning, he asked me. “Do you feel like I used you or duped you in some way?” I said to him “No, it's just the realization of it all, that's all.

The realization that he played with my emotions as if they were pieces on a chess board were what hurt most of all. You can't tell me to remind you of our anniversary and favorite gifts one minute and then take everything back the next minute. In the real world it doesn't work that way. At least not to me.

As he was packing his clothing to go back home. I looked at him not with anger but just looked at him. I saw nothing. He then comes up to me, tells me thank you for the experience, we shake hands and just like that he was gone.

I just stayed in bed and wondered what the hell just took place. I had cried my tears the night before so I wasn't sad. I was just in shock.

I simply got up, got dressed, called the front desk for a late check out and went shopping. It wasn't until I came home from my trip and was alone with my thoughts that the pain really hit. I heard him but didn't listen to him and the games he played.  So I can't and will not put the blame solely on him.

Has this experience harden my heart and giving nature? Yes. It's going to take a lot of time for the next person to get to my gooey center. It will also have to be mutual on both ends of the spectrum. Has Delroy ruined vegas for me? Um, hell no! If anything he made it sweeter. When he left I had a great time,

 I've decided to take a much needed break from the “dating/ mating game.” I'm not giving up on love but the rose colored glasses have definitely been slapped off.Which is fine with me. Does this experience hurt? Of course it does, but it's also a great lesson for me. True, honest, real love will come into my life when it is ready.  Which suits me just fine.

Love, Leo Brown :)