Everyone has something "wrong "with them. It could be a lazy eye or an odd looking toenail. No one is perfect. No matter hard we try to strive for it. Now that all sounds good to hear but the truth is that for some of us. We hide our imperfections by pretending that they don't exist. For years this was me.
|My Legs. (Right is longer than the Left)|
I can remember thinking "I'm not like these people." I'm not different." "I don't walk funny." All my life I've run away from my disability or overcompensated because of it. I always thought I had to work twice as hard as the next person to show them and myself. "See, I am just like you." For many years I have carried around guilt, sadness, shame and anger. I've hated the way I've walked or that I needed assistance to do tasks that many take for granted.
However, as hard as this is for me. I realize that's time for me to stop running from my disability, from me. Like it, Love it or Hate it. This is part of who I am. Today, I now embrace cerebral palsy, my cerebral palsy with open arms and an open heart.
For many years, I've thought of myself of begin alone, poor and unloved. All because of the fact that I walked funny and if I were were to have people around. They would be forced to take care of me. For so long I've seen myself as undesirable, unwanted. Odd. I realize now that by me talking about this. I'm putting my fears to bed, Which is where they belong in the first place. Today, my healing starts now.
How CP Impacts My Life.
When people ask me why I have a cane. I always give the simple answer. Which is I have cerebral palsy. I've never gone into detail about it until now. As I've said before I have spastic cerebral palsy.
|My left leg with surgery scar|
|My right arm.|
|My right leg. With surgery scar.|
|Left Leg with Hamstring scars from surgery.|
|Right Leg With Hamstring scars from surgery.|
When it comes to things like dating or even just meeting friends. I won't tell people about my cp because I would think that they would either leave me or they wouldn't want to be around me. I am not trying to be dishonest. I just was protecting myself and begin stubborn.
Even though, there are times where I trip and fall or I have to stop rest to catch my breath from dragging my right leg. All the while, I'll tell the person I'm with that I am okay. When that wasn't /isn't true. This truth is. There are times that I do need help. That I do have to stop to rest.
|My Wheelchair. (We've been through a lot together)|
The reason I am writing about this because it's time for me to come clean and left go of the pain. I've been carrying this around for too long. We all have limitations and you what? That's okay. It's not only okay. It's normal. We wouldn't be human if we didn't have something that makes us stand out.
None of us are meant to blend in. So don't! I hope that these words have/ will inspire someone to stand out and not blend in. From the bottom of my heart.
Love, Leo Brown :)