Getting REAL about relationships.

For most of my life, I've been in love with love. However, I've come to realize that I'm not alone in this fact. Many of us both men and women are or have been at one point and time. In love in with the mistress called L.O.V.E.  There comes a time when you stop begin in love with love and start getting real.

Not just about love but why we're in love with the idea and fantasy of begin loved but not doing the work of loving someone from an unconditional, genuine place. Now, I'm not saying there's anything with begin in love with love because love is one of our purest emotions but if you always choose to have rose colored glasses on. It can and will cause a problem. Here's a few things that I've seen that contribute to our ongoing infatuation with love,

1. Society: Society as a whole plays a HUGE role in how we view relationships. Think about it for a moment. When you look back on say, your childhood. What kind of love did your parents have with each other? Did they fight with each other? Were they openly affectionate with each other? If you were raised by a single parent, was your mother or father almost too guarded for their own good? Did they carry the pain of their past relationships with them? (example: Your daddy/mommy ain't shit)

How do you get real with this? Start by slowly going within and seeing how you may differ from the things society has taught you. While at the same time embrace the habits you've picked up from society and get to work both inside and out on correcting them if you so choose.

2. Movies/TV/Books: Even though we now know that the movies and television that we watch and even the books we read are all fantasy Some of us still wish for that our love lives or friendships were like the things we see and read.  There's nothing wrong with watching television, movies or reading books. The problem comes in when we become the damsel in distress or so fiercely self reliant that we either want someone to rescue us or we push everyone we meet that may be worth it away.

How do you get real with this? Realize that the things we see on the screen, in books and on the tube are just that. Things. They're not real. They're just aspects of our human character. There's nothing wrong with admiring a television character, an actor or a book character. Just take their traits and see them in yourself.

3. Friends/Couples: We all have been here at one point or another. We walk into a room and realize that we're the only single person in the bunch. Of course, for some of us this can be a bummer. We want to be where they are and at times we may think, "What is wrong with me?" or that we'll be single forever.

How do we get real about this? Look around you. Look at the couples and friends who are boo'ed up. Are they really happy? or are they just in the relationship because they think or feel that they can't or won't do any better?  How many times have you seen or heard your friends who are married fight, argue or received a phone call from that one friend who is always "going through it" with someone they're so in love with? What we must realize is that every relationship has problems, every relationship is different and that just because our coupled up friends say that they're happy it doesn't mean that they are. In other words, look beneath the surface.

4. Serial Dating/Serial Committers/Not Wanting To Be Alone.  We all know one or have even been one. That person who jumps from person to person in a matter of months, weeks or sometimes days. Why? Because the spark of the once budding relationship has flickered out and we're moving on to the next. Things end we all know that. However, if we go from person to person and don't take our part of the ending of the relationship. We're not only hopping but running and that's a problem.

How do we get real with this? Simple. Sit your ass all the down, shut what they call the fuck up and be alone. At least for six months to a year to figure yourself out. What do really want? Do you want a partner? ,A plaything or just the D? There's nothing wrong with wanting either but stop looking for someone to fill a hole that only you can fill. Love yourself and be happy with who you are and where you are.

Love, Leo Brown :)